Break Your Routine, Groundhog Day, Popular

28 Things Santa might be doing right now

  1. Waking up, remembering he has to go to work today, groaning, and going back to sleep.
  2. Snoozing the alarm seven times.
  3. Getting up and thinking ‘I can’t believe the rest of the world has to do this every day’.
  4. Realising his suit hasn’t been washed after the last time her wore it.
  5. Giving his suit a cursory sniff and a quick febreze.
  6. Trying on a million other outfits just in case this year’s the year he decides to mix it up a bit.
  7. Deciding against mixing it up a bit.
  8. Saying ‘hey, it’s Christmas’ as he contemplates a healthy breakfast and instead goes for a slice of cold pizza from last night.
  9. Telling himself throughout the morning that he’ll start work in ten minutes and never quite managing.
  10. Getting yelled at by Mrs Claus and all of his head elves for getting under their feet all day.
  11. Insisting on putting the bows on all of the presents.
  12. Insisting on checking every part of tomorrow’s Christmas dinner “isn’t poisoned”.
  13. Getting in trouble for eating all of tomorrow’s Christmas dinner at lunchtime on Christmas Eve.
  14. Being put to work crossing the bottoms of the sprouts to keep him out of the way.
  15. Remembering he never bought Mrs Claus a present.
  16. Panic shopping in the frozen North Pole tundra.
  17. Getting a red cup North Pole Starbucks.
  18. Finding nothing of any use, so visiting and sorting it there.
  19. Wondering how to break it to Mrs Claus that she’s going to have to move to the UK so she can take advantage of her brand new Wonderush subscription.
  20. Planning all of the sweets he’s going to eat when Mrs Claus is away having fun and is no longer there to keep an eye on him.
  21. Apologising to the angry elf who’s had to hunt him down after he disappeared and went shopping on the most important day of the year.
  22. Being marched back across the tundra.
  23. Heading straight to the stables to find his reindeer shaking their heads in exasperation.
  24. Getting into his sleigh and performing his pre-flight checks.
  25. Wishing there was someone to listen to his safety announcements.
  26. Beginning to check that all of the presents have been packed, but losing the will to live halfway through and deciding just to hope for the best.
  27. Wondering why Will Ferrell never comes along for the ride any more.
  28. Putting on his ‘jolly Santa’ face and getting on with it.

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