Valentines day is here again, and a very-vocal-but-actually-pretty-tiny section of society (basically just greetings card companies and that one sickening couple on Facebook who nobody really talks to any more because they are boring) is making a big deal out of it. But it still feels like it’s getting everywhere. And that’s totally fine if you’re into it, but a lot of people aren’t. Here are some of the awesome things you could be getting up to if you don’t fancy spending all of Sunday evening staring into someone’s eyes and having to limit the amount of wine you can drink because you are morally obligated to “be polite”:
1. Mystery Street Game
Who cares about Valentines when Sherlock Holmes needs help? Admittedly, if Benedict Cumberbatch or Robert Downey Jr. were in any way involved in this we might have to reassess that statement, but they’re not, so that’s a moot point. The point is, running around and solving clues is way more interesting than dinner and a movie.
2. Chocolate Making
There’s a stereotype that suggests that single people eat a lot of chocolate on Valentines day. Well, this single person is here to point out that the reason is actually not sadness or loneliness, but rather subconscious persuasion caused by seeing so many boxes on display in the lead-up. We can do better than that, anyway. We can make our own.
3. Comedy night
Picture the scene: A comedy night. So far, so normal. But at this comedy night, the audience is made up of only fun people who are up for a laugh. All of the boring, coupled-up people will probably be too busy spending all of their money proving their love to worry about whether anyone’s having a genuinely good time or not.
4. Perfume Making
This takes treating yourself to a whole new level. Not only will you be treating yourself to a new perfume, but you will be treating yourself to a new perfume that does not exist anywhere else, and only you will ever know the secret recipe for. That is what the grandkids’ll be asking you about on your elderly death bed. Not the overblown Valentines dates you went on with their grandad.
5. Pasta Making
All of the people on expensive dates will have to smile through their teeny, fancy portions of expensive food, and you’ll just be making all the unlimited pasta you damn well please because you’re awesome and you have skills.
6. Babble Language Exchange
You know what’s better than the language of love? Actual, useful languages that really exist, and that you can actually, usefully use on all the travels you are able to go on to wherever you like because you don’t have to factor another person into your decision-making.
7. Pungra Fit
There’s nothing better than dancing like nobody’s watching, and that’s a hell of a lot easier when you don’t feel obligated to drag a date around to everywhere you go on Valentines day. So you should make the most of the opportunity while you still have it and let loose.