Once upon a time, we were all children. For most of us – unless you were Harriet The Spy, one of the kids from Goosebumps, or a character from the Beano – there were at least a few childhood rules to stick to. These obviously varied by family, but there were at least a few old favourites that cropped up time and time again. The great thing is that now we are adults and we can do what we like. With that in mind, and because we are super mature grown-ups, we came up with a few ways that you can stick it to the adults in your life who were always telling you what not to do:
Childhood rule #1: No fighting
Actually, childhood authority figure, I can fight as much as I like. It’s called Boxfit, and I do it to stay active. Remember when you used to tell me off for sitting around all day and not going outside? You can’t have it both ways.
Childhood rule #2: No staying up late
I see your point, rulemaker, but I bet you’d prefer to see me on a pub crawl at 10pm rather than 10am. Am I right? I mean, of course you’d rather not see me on one at all, but you don’t own me!
Childhood rule #3: Don’t get messy
It’s actually not messy as long as you can say it’s creative. What about the people who made all the plates and bowls you use every day? I bet nobody ever told them not to get messy. That’s right. Talk to the clay-covered hand.
Childhood rule #4: Don’t play in the road
I see your point, but I am going to argue that riding a bike on the road isn’t actually playing after the age of about 16, and also it’s educational because I’m learning lots of stuff about London and learning is important. You told me that.
Childhood rule #5: Don’t talk to strangers
You know what, though? Sometimes strangers are just friends you haven’t met yet. Or, more accurately, sometimes strangers are people whose coat tails you can ride to Quiz Night victory. Didn’t you always want me to be a winner?
Childhood rule #6: Do your homework
There’s an after school club for that. Or, because we are badass adults who don’t have homework (and who switch off their work Blackberrys the second) we’re out of the door, there’s an After School Comedy Club for that.
Childhood rule #7: Don’t watch too much TV, you’ll get square eyes
Remember when people used to say this to us? If we were going to get square eyes from watching fuzzy VHS tapes we dread to think what today’s kids will get from all the quick-give-them-an-iphone-so-they-don’t-cry episodes of Peppa Pig they watch. We’re spending a night watching Spanish films in protest at the scientific impossibility of the lies we were told.
Childhood rule #8: No balls in the house
Not only will I play with balls indoors, I will also juggle them and learn to walk on them because I was always told that it was important to have a skill, and this is my skill, goddammit.
So, did we miss any? What were the weirdest rules you had to live by as a kid? If you want to stick it to the people who spent your childhood telling you what to do, we would be more than happy to help you. Sign up to Wonderush Unlimited today and stick it to the man!