The Notting Hill Carnival is a huge cultural event for Londoners. It attracts untold thousands of people from all over the place. We’ve made you a guide to the people you might come across if you decide to go down (or up. We don’t know where you live):
That Guy Who’s Been Pregaming Since 6am
He usually wouldn’t get out of bed before ten, but when a cause is close to his heart he’ll dedicate himself to it. And, for the entirety of August Bank Holiday weekend, his cause is getting turnt. Can usually be recognised by his inability to walk in a straight line, incoherent cheering, and vomit-splattered shoes. Also by the trail of annoyed people behind him who’ve just been shoulder-barged. And by the fact that his friends abandoned him a long time ago.
Tourist Who Picked The Worst Day Ever To Look For The Blue Front Door
Poor, unsuspecting tourist-person. They woke up in their hotel room, stretched, and thought ‘Yes. Today is the day I will go and see where Hugh Grant lived in that film’. They thought it was a bit crowded on the way but didn’t really question it, because it’s London. It wasn’t until they walked directly into the path of a samba dancer that they began to twig, and by then it was too late.
The ‘Up For It’ Policeman
Much like a unicorn, this is a mythical creature, seen by few but believed in by many. We’ve all seen the videos. And we’re not doing down the rest of the police, either. They’re generally pretty good-humoured. We’re just waiting for the next one who’ll breakdance in a poor-quality phone video and immediately go viral. Life goals, right there.
It doesn’t matter if there are thousands of strangers there to bear witness to the fact that they were there, The Instagrammer wants a specific group of people – who are very likely to be cooler than them – to know. They’ll stop at nothing to get the perfect shot, even if that means coming to a dead halt right in front of a moving crowd and causing a small pile-up. Then, they’ll somehow take up the entire pavement while they adjust the shit out of the picture and still claim ‘#nofilter’.
The Person Who Lives For Sequins (And/Or Could Potentially Be High)
You can never tell with this one. It might be that they just love the sparkle, or it might be that they love the crack pipe. Either way, they wander around, eyes wide and mouth open, getting in everybody’s way, like they’ve just seen Jesus in a sequinned crop top.
The Introvert Who Wishes It Was Over
It’s a truth universally acknowledged that crowds ain’t for everyone. Also, that people will get dragged to things they don’t want to go to. The Introvert Who Wishes It Was Over can most commonly be found on the very edges of the pavement, flinching every time someone bumps into them, and desperately trying to twist their face into an expression that looks like it could be enjoyment.
The Bemused News Reporter
Trying desperately to look like they’re down-with-the-kids enough to find people to interview, while still looking authoritative enough to be trusted by proper adults sitting at home, the bemused journalist treads a difficult line. Most likely to be found sitting at home the next day nursing fake-smile-strain and promising themselves never again.
The Peacock Who Can’t Actually Dance
Having decided that carnival would be the perfect place to find himself a mate the peacock spares no energy in making that happen. In a bid to look more cultured than the average bear he gets right on it with the Samba moves without once worrying about his two left feet or uncontrollable flailing.
The Person That Takes Too Long in The Portaloo
The argument for peeing in the street personified. A mysterious creature, nobody really understands what in the hell they could possibly be doing in there. Whether we are friends with one, or the person stuck behind them in the queue, our lives will all be touched by this person at some point.
The Person Who Blates Went To Jouvert
It’s just a shame they didn’t manage to find a shower since. Nice day-old body paint, mate.
We hope you have a great weekend, whatever it is that you’re doing. It’s the perfect time to start making the absolute most of your free time, which just so happens to be something we’re experts in. We want to help you maximise your time even beyond the bank holiday. Make sure you check out our main site for more ways we can help you to #LiveMoreAwesome.