It’s half term. As a child it used to be the week that you looked forward to for ages. Whether you were seven years old and had nothing to do except to boomerang between playing with all of your toys and complaining about being bored, or slightly older and spent the whole week putting off doing one hour of homework, it was an amazing time. But now all half term means is that there are suddenly children under foot on the way to work, and getting in your way when you nip to Pret at lunch time. If you’re not the kind of person who likes kids, though, it’s not ideal. And because we’re all about everybody’s happiness we’ve put together some suggestions for some activities that are likely to be well and truly child-free:
There’s a whole load of booze tasting events – with much more classy and professional-sounding names, of course – going on in the city, where you’re guaranteed to find a break from the kids that have suddenly started appearing everywhere. Of course, that does mean they’ll miss out on getting a basic wine education, but on the flip side they’ll have something magical to look forward to learning about later in life.
Kids are notorious for their love of sitting still, and being quiet, and taking some time to reflect on their day and rebalance their- Oh wait. No. Our bad. They like to run around and make noise and mess (we are, of course, generalising) and a group of people sitting in a room and trying to relax in silence basically goes against everything they stand for. So feel free to relax in some totally child-free surroundings.
Ok, we weren’t really sure what to call these. There are a whole host of talks and sessions across the city designed to help you with all kinds of issues. For example not being able to let go of the past, not being able to flirt, or needing help with public speaking. If we were kids, we can’t imagine anything worse than a room full of complaining adults, so we’re pretty sure you’ll be safe there.
“Wait, what do you mean Hannah Montana isn’t singing it? Then why would I be interested?” With the exception of those really good, championship-winning ballroom dancing children we doubt that ballroom dancing would really appeal to most children, so we feel pretty confident that we can guarantee you a child-free evening.
A child’s top three favourite foods: Sweets, chicken nuggets, raw fish. Except maybe we got that last one wrong. In fact, we’re very sure we did. Not that there aren’t some children who love a bit of sushi, but we’re fairly sure you’ll find a bit of peace and quiet in this room full of potentially dangerous kitchen utensils and confused grown ups trying to use those roll-y mats they all thought would be easy.
Children are wusses. They also don’t like to walk long distances. We may be being slightly unfair but we’re sticking to our massive generalisation. You’re unlikely to run into any children on a walking tour that delves into London’s grisly, ghost-ridden past because it combines two of the things they dislike. We’re actually a little bit wary of the ghost element, on account of never actually growing out of being massive wusses ourselves.
You know what kids love even more than an evening of short films and general cultured-ness? An evening of Spanish-language short films and even more general cultured-ness. Battersea Spanish’s event actually does sound great, but we suspect it’s not going to be up the local eight-year-old’s street. And that is just fine by us.