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26 Thoughts Wonderush members have at the office party

The office party is a social minefield, and around Christmas there tends to be hundreds of them. We were going to put together a guide for how to handle them but it felt pretty hypocritical, because Team Wonderush are not exactly the model of social appropriateness a lot of the time. So we decided to list the thoughts many of us find ourselves having every year. Erm… We imagine.

  1. I am a professional, and I will not be drinking tonight.
  2. I will have one drink.
  3.  It would be rude not to have at least a couple of drinks.
  4. I’m such a professional. Get me, talking to my boss’ boss like he’s a real person.
  5. I wonder who I should share my recently-gained wine-tasting expertise with next.
  6. I need to find a canape pretty sharpish.
  7. I wish I’d known everyone else was dressing so casually.
  8. I hope everyone gets drunk enough later that I can take these shoes off and they won’t notice.
  9. Oh god oh god oh god, that guy’s going to want to talk numbers. Avoid.
  10. I need a distraction so I can fix this wedgie situation.
  11. Seriously. Who makes canapes this small?
  12. I hope my recipient likes my handmade secret Santa gift (and I hope I get bought one from an actual shop in return).
  13. Prosecco’s made of grapes, so this drink is basically a healthy smoothie.
  14. I wish I had my life together like Janet from Accounts.
  15. I’m so glad I went to that private shopping event to get THE BEST OUTFIT HERE.
  16. If that dude says ‘banter’ one more time I swear to god I will leave.
  17. I wonder when it’s acceptable to ‘go on’ somewhere else.
  18. By which I do, of course, mean ‘go on’ home to my bed. Or to catch up with everyone else on that pub crawl.
  19. Seriously, would it kill them to pass around a tray of realistically-sized food at some point?
  20. I wish there was someone here who could match my awesome swing dance skills.
  21. I’m very proud that we’ve all managed to go this long without anybody photocopying their- Oh, never mind.
  22. Man, everyone is so jealous of my awesome Macarena skills.
  23. I wonder if it’s acceptable to supplement this lot with my desk wine.
  24. It’s so nice how I can continue to be so processional when I’ve had so many drinks.
  25. Processional. Protessional. Profressional. *hic* That word is hard.
  26. Maybe I can just have a little lie down under my desk now.

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